Just saw an email from Dellaena Maliszewski - awesome email

What keeps my mind calm through all of this is a technique called the "chill the fuck out" technique. 

As an incredibly empathetic person, I am sensitive to the feeling and emotions around me. (Bad days and attitudes are infectious so don't be that asshole!). 

I take everything in, sort what's actually relevant to the 5 projects I am working on and depersonalize any emotions from others. Always staying helpful, and en pointe. Everyone and everything will try to distract you. 

Emotionally invest in yourself and the things you're passionate about-not in what other people say,think,do. When you do-invest in ideas and then invest in the people who are making these idea a reality and can materially help you.

I explain it like this to founders I mentor:

"Don't worry about X person. Handle your business. Get that fucking money and get right the fuck on with it"

And-

Rule #1-don't get involved in other people's highly charged emotional shit

Rule #2- dont shut down communication channels

Rule#3-find a way to do business together with everyone 

Finally-and most importantly-be excellent to each other. Help others who may have been outkasted. Sometimes that means a "soft fire" where you get them a job somewhere else more suited to their needs. Treat others how YOU want to treat THEM as a true authentic expression of yourself.

Truth is:people are going to do whatever the fuck they're going to do.

You can't control them or read their mind. The only person you have control over is yourself. So why are you going to let someone else decide your feelings and future?

Fuck it-noone has time for that shit. 

People can intentionally try to emotionally charge you without realizing it. Fuck that. You are bright in your own ways. You have contributions to make and it is everyone's responsibility to each other to help each other and set a foundation for the next generation including creating environments that help us activate our ideas into action. Find your place and hold your ground.

They are not bad people-they've just been taught through social and environmental conditioning that its ok..that doing things as they have always been done is ok. Specifically, that treating people the way they've always treated people is ok. So it's also important not to get angry at these people, and while you should avoid them-when you encounter them or if you can't avoid them-consider it a mentoring moment and opportunity to study them, aggregate the data, and enrich your product or ideas through helping you articulate yourself and problem solve.

My final piece of long winded advice is that even in the most chaotic naturally occurring environments on this planet you can, eventually, find order. The chaos itself sometimes is the order and the stress we feel is because of unrealistic expectations we have or others have about this algorithm. As such, make one project in your life something that you own and have complete control over from start to finish. Use this project as a talking point and weave it into everything else. This can provide a foundation of order for you and connective tissue within your personal and professional life to give you peace of mind.

You have made the best choice you could. Always.

My premise is that all the decisions you have taken in your life were the best possible choices you could have made at that point in time.

Why I think all of them were best possible choices? Well... if it wasn't.. why would you have made it?
If your answer to that is 'I didn't know better' (everyone's mother just let out a sigh), I am still right in telling you that you made the best possible choice.


Take for example the worst thing you have done. If it was the worst because you did not realize the repercussions, what it means is that at that specific point in time it was the best choice. You had certain facts / opinions / views available to you at the point you made that decision. Based on that knowledge you made the choice. That idea is why I stopped regretting the past. Instead I try to learn from it.

After the act is done (as the guy to the left illustrates), it's usually hard to go back and correct it. If that's not a possibility, what can you do from now on. Is there something that can be done to prevent the bad decision from happening again, or to make the bad .. not so bad. Would it help to have talked to other people, to ask specific questions, etc. This is the analytical part. It is important to never forget the bad decisions. If those are forgotten then we cannot understand what factors went into the decision that we wish we had done differently.

It is time to be cool and not regret. As cool as ... Ice!

What is Love?

(Baby don't hurt me)

"First cut is the deepest"

   There are also other general quotes that give the gist of 'the magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can ever end'. When it does end, it cuts us. And we save that cut and cement it in our memories. This cement many people take as the foundation to build the knowledge of romantic love on (there are other types of love that I will get into another time).

   I want to try to dispel this notion that any single love cannot be overshadowed after ending (it is necessary for it to end or whittle down). The way I will explain may be unorthodox. I will use math! Yes! Just when you thought you reached the realm of feelings where you can escape those icky numbers.

   In order to get anywhere near explaining romantic love and not write thousands of pages I will simplify it (A LOT). Love can be broken down in several parts that on the whole make up 'the reason' for our love. For example the way the other person laughs, the smirk, the way they walk, the way they respond to a surprising situation, the way they think, how they dress, where/how they eat, how they treat others, the reaction that they force out of you, etc., all of this comes together to form 'the reason' for your love to them. Now instead of actual specifics I will treat those areas as numbers ranging from 1 to 100 000 (give it a nice solid range!). The reason for using numbers is just to give a sense of how far 1 is from 10, 000 and how far 10 000 is from 1 000 000, and etc.

   Even when we break 'the reason' down into numbers this can further be broken down. For example 'the way the person looks’. This can be broken down into eyes, eyelashes, lips, cheeks, eyebrows, forehead, nose, nostrils, dimples, freckles, and I haven't even moved away from the face itself. Now we can move on to the actual math of love (as opposed to love of math which might be a little bit too geeky for some).

   When you were very young there was someone you liked looking at in Junior High, or High School (maybe even Elementary). So with 0 being that you would have no interest in looking at them (-100, 000 would be absolutely horrific), apply it toward that person. Then there are other qualities that you can apply a number as well. When you are young you don't have enough experience to know how many different areas there are. So of the world that you know, the different qualities might make up a great percentage of what works for you. As you grow and gain new experiences your inner world grows as well. With that world if you are with the person, their 'numbers' grow as well in relation to how important they are to you.

What happens when it doesn't work out?

    Now it is important to look at how exactly it doesn't work out. Assuming ideal conditions when there's a complete break up, without any ego's hurt (which totally happens all the time), and no psyches damaged. Those numbers that relate to your experiences with the other person simply stop growing. You however continue to grow (right up to the last moment - even if you won't remember everything by the end). So when you compare this number that stopped growing (say the number was 1 million), which might make up a total of 50% of your mental/emotional being (with other 50% being devoted to everything else in your life) to say a year from then, it will be different. In a year you may meet someone else and spend a lot of time with them. Now that other person occupies 50% - but that is not the same 50% that was there a year ago. It is more, because you grew; the 50% now has to make up a larger 'number'.

Why is the first love so important?

First love initially exposes you to a completely new area of experience. Just the fact of you finding that area will make that a permanent memory for you. The problem is when the break up is not perfect (it rarely is). The negatives that get thrown around internally (inside you) will either go toward the other person (/the other sex), or toward yourself. But unless you are open to new potentials, those negatives will never have a chance to diminish in relation to your total. Say thoughts about someone else take up 50% (or 100%) of your time/mind. When new experiences pour in with someone new (someone who you devote a lot of time and thoughts to), this percentage will grow lower.

In the end, even though the first love, or for that matter each previous relationship, can hurt you and give you emotional scars, it can always be overcome by something new. Once you start hanging out with a specific person, the 'numbers' in relation to that person will grow. Even if the original troubles will never go away, they will become just a small part of what makes you, you.

Sum of the equation will bring elation

When all is said and done, and hoping this was coherent enough, the new loves when compared point by point do not and will not equal the previous ones. But when the sum of different parts is taken, they will given enough time and effort equal that and more when we think of 'the reason' why we're in love with someone.